Yes, I know I’m dating myself with that title, but I’ve been waiting 11 years for summer breezes (ok, spring breezes, because I’m not into 100 degree Oklahoma breezes, thank you very much) to make me feel fine in this house of mine, but this year, I will have them. I may even have to do a little Google-ing to see if jasmine will even grow in this climate. Meanwhile, I’ve had my new windows open almost every day since they were installed a week ago Thursday.
The construction is complete, except for a return trip to install a new electrical panel on the house. Apparently, I’m supposed to have so many empty slots and I have none. Ok, whatever.
It occurs to me that I really do live a blessing-rich life.
My camera bit the dust the same day the windows were installed. I didn’t find this out until I tried to take pictures for all of you to see. But I can’t really be upset about it because it’s more than put in its years of service for me. Ironically, my friend Kelli was telling me about her new camera she’d just bought and I turned green with envy, because I’ve been wanting a new camera for awhile now. Even more since mine died. I mentioned that mine had bit the dust and what does she do? Offers me the camera she was replacing, which still works perfectly fine and takes just as good quality pictures as mine did. Thanks, Kelli! So, I’ll have some pictures of my pretty new windows for you to see sometime this week.
Having Adopted Son here is still going well, but each day I learn more about the reality of his life and I’m filled with so many emotions I don’t know which one to feel first.
Rage that a child could be so forgotten in the midst of so-called family.
Utter sadness when I try to imagine how lonely and scared he’s got to have been in his short life.
Gratitude for all the times my parents stayed together and gave my sisters and I a home when I’m sure it would have been easier on so many levels to call it quits and go their separate ways.
Thankful that, as a result, I can offer him a home and some semblance of a normal life, whatever the hell that is these days, because I had such a good example. (Wow…look what it takes for me to realize there is something ‘normal’ about my life. Sheesh!)
Fear that it’s all going to go south sooner than later and this will have been but a blip on the radar of his life, because I have no legal right to do anything for him and may never.
More gratitude, thanks to my mom, for telling me a long time ago, about another child, that I should take comfort in the fact that no matter how temporary, my presence in a child’s life might not solve all their problems, but almost certainly would be a memory of being loved.
From that I learned it’s ok to do what you can even if you’re pretty sure it’s not going to change anything long term. It still counts.
And love, for him, and for my own.
In this moment, I am blessed. It’s only when I leave now to wander around the past or venture into the future that I’m stressed. I just need to remember that I am always blessed because it is always now.