My mind gets scattered all over the place. I catch myself thinking more than one thing at a time, and it’s like I have to decide which thing to pay attention to. It’s hard to tune things out so I can pay attention to ONLY one thing.
Hence why I find meditation so difficult. Yet, also why I can’t leave it alone. But that whole issue is one of the thoughts I’m trying to turn off because it’s not the topic at the moment.
The one I want to think about is what explains the numerous and varied reasons humans create such conflict over stupid stuff.
I read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield recently. I bet he’d say that humans create conflict as a result of disconnection from Self. Because they live with their Egos in charge and the Ego wants everything – no matter how good, bad, or ugly it is – to stay exactly the same.
And why do we need everything to be exactly the same? So we can feel safe, of course. I was about to say that humans used to go after one another like crazy. But, what? Like we still don’t?
We do. All we’ve done is change how it shows up.
Then the thought pops into my head: Why?
My ever present friend. The question: “Why?”
The answer that comes to me is that so many people are still living on automatic pilot. Granted, more and more people are choosing to live a conscious life – and thank God for that – but by and large, so many people are still asleep at the wheel. They’re just going through the motions of daily living. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
So when you throw in some Change, it’s no wonder people go berserk. It’s like waking up in the middle of the night to go pee and someone moved the furniture all around in the room while you were sleeping. Shins are at risk! And it hurts when you bang into something you didn’t know was there!
I don’t think we can ever get rid of surprises in life, nor would we really want to. If we want everything to be the same because that’s what makes us feel safe, then it seems to me that we have to find another, more enduring source for that feeling of safety so we can accommodate Change and roll more gracefully with the punches.
There’s a saying something along the lines of “It takes great strength to be gentle.” I think, in the same vein, it takes great self-awareness to accommodate Change. And self-awareness for those still asleep at the wheel can be terrifying, at least at first. And terror, when we want safety, is the last thing we’re going to willingly sign up for.
I find my safety in my growing self-awareness and self-esteem. When you know yourself and value yourself, Change is not as scary, and I can much easier make like a duck and let the inconsequential things, the B.S. created by those around me resisting change, and the drama of it all roll right off my back. Not that I can accomplish this EVERY single time, but more and more often, I can.