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…which is a colloquial way of saying, “Kiss my ass.” (Intimating that the ass you’re invited to kiss is either very large, or you’re welcome to kiss as much of it as you like.)

Yes, I actually had someone say it to me in just that fashion today. But then, I do live in the culturally advanced state of Oklahoma.

(Go ahead and take a minute to enjoy your belly laugh. When you catch your breath, continue reading…)

I guess I can’t pick at Oklahoma too much without incriminating myself. While I was shanghaied here by my parents the summer before my senior year in high school, hello – that was 26 years ago – 25 of which I have been living on my own, so if it were truly that awful, I suppose I could have moved.

Being the big believer in “do what you can with what you have where you’re at” that I am, I find Oklahoma to be the perfect place for me. (Translation: this place needs LOTS of work!)

So, I stay. It is the public service project of my life, no doubt.

But, where else (except maybe Texas) could I sport such an appropriate image for the motto by which I try to live?:

So, pucker up and square y’off an acre, y’all. Looks like I’m here to stay.