I’ve always been told I’m hardheaded. So much that it’s become somewhat a badge of honor for me. In my younger days, there were people on the planet (who shall remain nameless – you know who you are) who were convinced my hard head would be the death of me, and that at the very least, I would have a hard and miserable life because of it.
I’m proud to announce that I’ve found a way to use my hardheadedness for good, not evil.
How?
I quit smoking.
Yep.
After more than 20 years of that nonsense, I smoked the last one and didn’t go buy more. That was Thursday, April 15th at 8pm central time. Done.
Do I miss it?
No, not really.
Has it been hard? Surprisingly – not as hard as I thought it would be.
Why?
Because I’m hardheaded.
I refuse to be “addicted”. I refuse to entertain the idea that I can’t quit doing something that
a) is no longer enjoyable,
b) is bad for me on so many levels,
c) might end up being the death of me.
What has surprised me most is that none (so far, anyway) of the big fears I had about quitting have come to fruition.
I’m not eating 24 hours a day to keep my mouth busy. Therefore, my ass will remain it’s current width or – God forbid – narrower because I’ve also gotten up every morning this past week and walked the dog. Before coffee! (I know!!)
I’m not biting people’s heads off, kicking the dogs or generally threatening to “go postal”. Although, I did put myself on “time out” the other night when I felt all of that coming on. (Turns out taking good care of myself makes quitting easier. Who knew?!)
So do I want a cigarette?
Physically? No.
Intellectually? No.
Emotionally? No.
Habitually? Yes.
That last one won’t last forever. And it’s fairly easy to ignore. And when it’s not, here’s what I do:
I have one, lonely cigarette stashed in this house. One. It’s sole purpose in life is to be available to quell the petulant child in me who wants what she wants when she wants it…and not surprisingly, what she wants here of late is a damn cigarette. So, I tell her, “Ok, girlie – you can have that cigarette. But when it’s gone, it’s gone. I’m not buying anymore. So, do you REALLY want your last cigarette now?”
Well, of course, that little petulant child sits right down and shuts up, because she’s worried the urge for a cigarette might be worse sometime in the future, and then what will she do if she’s already smoked her stash??! So, she “saves” it for that emergency situation.
You and I both know what’s gonna happen…
The day will come when even that stashed cigarette will be too stale and nasty to contemplate smoking it.
And that day, I will know for sure I’m free of cigarettes.
Thank God for my hard head – it’s what will get me through until then.
My husband once said to me, "You're just as hard-headed as your father!" I took it as a compliment.
Good for you! I quit over ten years ago, and agree that the 'habitually' part was the hardest: at bowling, drinking beer, at a bar, drinking beer, seeing a beer and then drinking it, etc. Now I drink mostly wine.
LOL So I take it beer was a big trigger for you… LOL
That's one of the things I was worried about – that I wouldn't be able to really enjoy my morning coffee for wanting a cigarette. But I'm happy to report I can drink my coffee just fine without starting to jones for a ciggie. Whew!
One of the other tricks I use to quell the craving is to think about all those times I lit the wrong end by mistake. Can we say N-A-S-T-Y!??
OK Suzanne there is absolutely nothing anyone can say that can equal your own sense of mastery and pride for what you have done, so I won't say anything but congratulations. It's heartfelt.
'Cos I know what it's like — the journey to get to where you are now — and all the evil beasties that lurk along the way to keep you from getting to that freedom. I forget how many years it's been now since that day, but I can remember with startling clarity what all the days leading up to it were like, and most of them begin with what I think Hell must be like. It was that awful!
What people who are still smoking (read: hooked on tobacco) don't realize is that there is a really WONDERFUL life on the other side of it. Without the ucky stuff.
Which isn't to say that sh*t doesn't still happen. It does. But when it does, it's so much easier to handle than it used to be when the first thing I'd reach for was something that was killing me.
Man this is hard to describe. Suzanne I hope you try, though, because there are still smokers out there who need more than a little encouragement to even think it's possible to quit. I know because I used to be one of them.
Welcome to the club of exxies! Hey I have no idea if there is such a club but there oughta be. . . the dues are godawful painful but the victory is more valuable than the rarest metals on any planet you want to name. Just saying.
Way to go, you!
YAY! I am SO proud of you for choosing health over nicotine. I have my own addiction ghosts (and you know the details) and know how tough it is to give up an old habit.
Quitting smoking is very tough to do. It is an addictive substance that controls many peoples lives. You should feel good about yourself and your health or quitting such an awful habit
Quitting is really tough and I don't smoke but my husband used to back when we were still dating.
But it's mind over matter dear. You just have to be strong and hold on to the reasons why you decided to quit. My husband's reason was me. I have asthma and I told him, "you and me cannot be together if you don't quit!"
I married him.. 🙂 because he never smoked a stick since I told him that.
Congrats on giving up on the smoking, Suzanne! 🙂 As a fellow ex-smoker I remember how difficult it was to give up completely, tho i must say, looking back the long term health benefits are def worth it!
I love your idea of having one in the house so that you can have your 'last cigarette' whenever you want it but there won't be any more after that. What a great idea!
Good on you for refusing to be addicted – what a strong person you are!
I am SO proud of you for choosing health over nicotine. I have my own addiction ghosts and know how tough it is to give up an old habit.
@Suzanne
I say "Congrats on giving up on the smoking", too!
I am an ex-smoker for years and i saved SO MUCH MONEY INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO THESE EVIL TOBACCO COMPANIES !
10 YEARS AS NONSMOKER WILL DONATE U 14400 EUROS !
cheers
Martin