Adopted Son achieved a small victory yesterday. He chose to keep his cool instead of giving in to the urge to beat the crap out of someone provoking him at school. Even after he got home, his contained rage was still palpable, so when I asked, “How was your day?” I was not surprised at the answer. I was surprised, however, when I asked what made him able to contain himself and he answered, “If I had beat him up, they would have suspended me, and he would have won, anyway.”
I told him how proud I was of him. I told him how mature it was for him to recognize that and keep his cool. Then I told him again how proud I was of him.
Then he didn’t come home after school today.
I went to the bus stop, just in case it was late, but it wasn’t, and he wasn’t there.
I called his mom to ask if anything had happened today at school (she wouldn’t agree to putting me on his school paperwork as a contact which would allow me to call and ask for myself) and she said in the most hateful of tones, “Sure did. They came to the school and arrested him for the warrant he had. He has to go to court tomorrow at 1:30, so he won’t fucking be ‘home’ tonight.” Click.
Stunned by her attitude, I didn’t know if she meant he was with her or if he was in juvenile detention. She had told me the other day that she wanted me to bring him home Friday after school so he could spend spring break with her. He and Second Son had traded shoes for today, too, so I called back to see if she wanted me to bring his clothes over tonight since he obviously wasn’t going to be back here. She cut me off mid-sentence and said, “I’ve got bigger problems than your funky assed son’s shoes to worry about right now, so when he gets out, I will make sure you get his precious shoes back.” Click.
So I guess that means he’s in juvie, not with her.
Hoping for a little more detail and not quite understanding the obvious rage directed at me, I called his aunt. She knew nothing about the warrant, but was amazed and appalled at his mom’s attitude toward me. It didn’t dawn on me until she said, “What does she have to be cussing you out for? You’re trying to help HER. Did she seriously think you were going to pay to clean up the warrant?” that it might exactly be why she’s pissed off at me. It seems to be the prevailing attitude where she’s concerned that I’m made of money and am taking her son in to flaunt my prosperity and superior mothering skills in her face.
Funny, though, because I didn’t even learn about the warrant until last night, and had told Adopted Son that if he ended up coming back after spring break that he would have to go put himself on the docket and face the music where that warrant was concerned because we don’t roll like that around here. He agreed and asked if I would go with him. I told him I would.
So now I’ve got a kid in jail who I can’t talk to, can’t find out any details about and can’t do anything for. For all he’s had to deal with, and especially with that piece of work that is his mother, my greatest hope is that he does not conclude that getting back in school was a stupid thing to do because it appears to be how they caught up with him on the warrant. I hope he sees that the victory he had yesterday in saying ‘no’ to violence as the answer is real progress for his life and the warrant catching up with him was just that – a bad choice catching up with him.
This might sound stupid, but I’m kinda glad the boys traded shoes today. I hope each time he looked at his feet he was reminded that there is someone who believes in his ability to make good choices going forward. I think I might be the only one, at this point.