Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~Thomas à Kempis, Imitation of Christ, c.1420
I’ve spent an awful lot of time the last few years thinking about all the various ways I’ve handed over, given away, or misplaced my personal power. Not surprisingly, the ruminations began when I realized I felt powerless in just about every area of my life. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what was keeping me stuck. I wanted to know why I was so miserable.
Of course, for a long time, I blamed others. Others hurt me, disappointed me, lied to me, betrayed me…and yes, that can create a pile of misery, for sure. I burned the fuel of mighty indignation for years. But it didn’t ever change anything, except to leave me tired, more miserable than ever.
All the while, there were others (albeit different others) who comforted me, supported me, told me the truth, and stood by me.
I spent years wishing the first group would change and be like the second group.
It dawned on me that the chains that kept me bound to those of the first group were not chains they put upon me, but were chains of belief…in me!
I think we each have a sense of how hard it is to go against the tide of the life you’ve created so far to create the life you really want to live, whether we’ve really tried to do it, or not. And since we seem to be able to see what others need to change so much more clearly than we can see what we need to change in ourselves, we think we can change other people more easily. We’re all delusional, it seems.
Oh wow did you ever hit the nail on the head with this one Suzanne! While there are so many ways a person can deceive themselves the very worst one is the one that says we are powerless. That just isn't so!
If nothing else we always have the power to choose something else, even if it's how to use the next 60 seconds.
The thing about self-worth, too, is that honestly no one else can "give it" to you. You have to claim it for yourself. Otherwise, even if a bazillion people vote for you, you will never feel you deserve it. Rotten way to live!
What I want to know is, how do so many of us end up on that dead-end street? The other choices are so much more fun!
Nancy – I think it starts with our imperfect parents not being able to nurture us the way we needed to be nurtured. I say this as an imperfect parent, myself. 🙂 But the good news is that childhood is but a small fraction of our lives, and when we are adults, we have the power to fill in some of those "gaps" if we're willing to practice forgiveness, tolerance and compassion.
I really do believe we're all doing the best we can with what we've got in any given moment, and no one determines the quality of my life more than me.
Those changes we want to make in others keep us chained from making progress ourselves as it sometimes begin to affect our psyche and our relationship with new people we meet.
Just that it is easier said than done, but the best is to forget the past, live the present and look forward happily to the future.
we can't changed other more than we can change ourselves. The best thing that we can do is to adapt.
Life will always have it's ups and downs. Gotta keep fighting and stay positive!
nice article. It's my first visit to your blog and am loving it.
Thanks
I think you're beginning to show a sense of real power. Hopefully others will learn from you.
Thanks for sharing Suzanne. Life has its ups and downs and you always have to remember that tomorrow is another day and keep a positive attitude that day is going to be great!