Happy Anniversary to Me!
Saturday marked a momentous occasion for me: Six years ago Saturday, I was laid off from my job and decided to become self-employed instead of look for another job. So, Sunday was the first day of my 7th year in business. Wow.
It’s been an interesting journey, these six years. Many times, I entertained the idea of giving up and getting a job. As much as I’ve hated jobs I’ve had in the past, having a job is the easier path, that’s for sure. You just show up, do your thing, and get paid. Yes, there are surprises like lay-offs, new sucky bosses, and the ever-present blooming-idiot co-workers, but you put up with it all knowing there’s a paycheck coming at the end of the pay period. All you have to do to get it is keep showin’ up and doin’ your thing.
Self-employment, on the other hand, is not like that. You are your new sucky boss, for one. And likely, in many ways that count toward profitability, you suck being the boss. Rather than lay-offs, you have the constant hustle for new clients. (And you have to do that hustle, because you are now the marketing and sales department, also.) In fact, you are the everything now. You look back and realize you just thought you had time management issues when you had the job.
The one thing that has pulled me through is that unwavering decision to be self-employed. When push came to shove, even with all that is harder about being self-employed, I just couldn’t go back to the ol’ 8-5. So what’s so dang wonderful about self-employment? Freedom. I’m in charge now. And yes, that also means I’m to blame when things don’t go well or mess up, but I’m also the one to congratulate when they work out. I enjoy MUCH MORE flexibility now than when I had a job. If I want to play all day and work all night – I can. Sometimes I do. Someone’s job and its schedule just don’t fit in my life anymore. Probably never will again. And I think with the dawn of this 7th year, I’m going to quit apologizing for it. I am declaring myself psychologically unemployable.
Another choice I made led me to a conscious decision recently. As many of you long-time readers know, I’ve been fairly transparent here about my life and the events and people in it. I don’t use their names, but some of you (by far the minority of my readers) know who’s who.
Well, a few weeks ago, my BFF’s daughter hipped Oldest Son to the fact that this blog exists (not that I’ve hidden it, but he just hasn’t ever been interested in anything I do, per se) and he came undone reading about the things I’d written related to him. Not the posts like Oldest Son Worked His Butt Off For Mom or Me and My Little Sweet Pea, of course. No. Just the ones where I relayed my frustrations about him, his life, and his choices. Mind you, what you all have read about here is just the tip of the iceberg, and I’ve never written anything here that I haven’t shared with him first (opinion-wise, I mean. You know I’m pretty free with my opinions. lol)
What he doesn’t understand, in the head-up-his-ass mode he’s living right now, is that what he does affects those he loves. And what he perceives as me shit-talking about him to you is really me letting it out in the hopes that I neither explode or implode. He knows I love him. He knows he’s got his head up his ass at the moment, too. Not surprisingly, what pissed him off was that he couldn’t really ignore the facts and their effects reading them here like that. But the net effect on me has been blog constipation ever since. Yes, I’ve been busier than a one-armed paper hanger – true enough. But every time I’ve come here to write something, to get some blog therapy, the infantile hissy fit he threw kept getting in my way.
Well, I’m happy to report I’m over it. I choose to live a transparent life with a clear conscience, and it’s not my fault or problem if he doesn’t. It’s neither my fault or problem if my transparency makes him uncomfortable. During the hissy fit he screamed that he would no longer be as open with me as he’s been. That was actually good news. Too much of his life and the way he chooses to live it is TMI for me.
Ironically, just about the time I felt myself getting over it, he decided to go stay at the girlfriend’s place. My hope is that his motivation is to spend some time with his daughter. I suspect it’s more to get away from me, the bitch-mom. Whatever the reason, at least now I don’t have to wrestle with the decision to boot his butt out of here during the holidays. I haven’t heard from him since Monday, but you know what? I’m still breathing. The Earth is still spinning. And there is peace in my home, once again. Ok, there’s as much peace as a teenage son and prepubescent daughter will allow, but you get my drift.