I’ve been hearing for the last several months that 2012 is going to be a transformative year. Mostly in the spiritual circles I hang out in, but not exclusively. My astrologer friends say it’s going to be a bumpy year, energetically, and those prepared to lean into it will fare better than those who resist.
The end of the Mayan calendar has people a bit wigged out and there are a lot of doom-sayers having a field day with that. We’ve got a Presidential election this fall, and that has folks a bit wigged out, too. And, of course, the media is already having a field day with it, labeling their news broadcasts such things as “Decision 2012”. I’m sick of the posturing and pontificating already. Whatever you believe, I think we can probably all agree these are stressful times and our individual and collective faiths are being tested.
No one is feeling it more than a friend of mine whose husband died this week. He was only 43 and had a massive heart attack on New Year’s Day. He leaves behind his wife of 19 years and two kids – none of whom have any understanding of what has happened to them.
Happy Fucking New Year. Lean into it, my ass.
Having had my own scare with Second Son in November (And no, don’t think you missed a post, because you didn’t. I have been too busy dealing with the shit storm that has been my life these last few months to write about it here.) I have only the tiniest inkling of what my friend is going through. How the hell do you lean into pain like that? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out anytime soon.
It’s amazing how things that were such big issues 5 minutes ago become petty and small in the face of this kind of news. I’m sitting here guiltily grateful that it’s not me in that kind of mind-numbing emotional pain, horrified for my friend and the grief she’s feeling, and hurting so much for their kids.
I know we’re all human, and that, to some extent, explains how we get so caught up in the insignificant details of our lives and allow them to take up so much of our bandwidth that the really important things – I love you, you are special, I see you, you make a difference, I believe in you – don’t get said.
Any one of us could be gone in any moment for any reason, but we live – myself included – like there’s always going to be a tomorrow. I don’t want to live in fear of death, but I don’t want to get caught taking life for granted, either. So, for me, I’m going to practice being a little more present everyday. I’m going to say more of the important things, even if they seem out of the blue to those listening. And I’m going to be my real self more. Less conforming to expectations and more genuine expression of who I am and what I’m here to do.
Because, you know my grandkids and great-grandkids need stories of their crazy Grandma who slid into her grave with a big thud, exclaiming, “Whew! Ok! I’m ready. But, I’ll be baaaaaaccckkk!”
Suzanne, THIS is why I love you! You are always as real as it gets, which is such a major relief I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do it. Maybe they can’t — or are trying but falling short.
Either way I’m so happy that you are modeling something that the rest of us don’t do half as much as we could — or 1/100th as much as we should (and as much as I hate “should’s” LOL.)
So, just. . . thank you. The upside of your realness — while I’m not inside your head or heart and can’t really know for sure — is that there are probably moments (at least) of sheer bliss and freedom. Which has to make all the horrifying ones balance out somehow, i imagine.
The problem seems to be that we can’t pick and choose which kind of “moments” we are going to experience — we just have to show up regardless. You do that better than anyone else I know! Which increases your awesomeness by some kind of factor I don’t even know how to measure 🙂
First off, I totally ditto what Nancy Boyd said. . I love you because you keep it real. Meeting you through Andrea Hess was a Godsend. You're the Thelma to my Louise.
I love you more than all my toys, my electric blanket and my secret stash of chocolate chip cookies. I love you because you love me, no matter what crazy shit spews from my mouth. I love you because you love your kids unconditionally and because you're always doing the very best you can. I love you on Monday, and every other day of the week. I love when we're silly together. I love when we open our hearts to each other. I admire you for sharing yourself here, there…and everywhere. My face is kissing your face from 2000 miles away. Christa loves Suzanne long time Joe. 🙂
Christa, if I wanted to be funny (which I usually do) I would say that you make me blush long time, too. But you know what? That's total crap. I'm not embarrassed to have anyone read what you said about me because you're right – I do love you no matter what, and I do the very best I can with everything, despite how it looks looking on. And my face is kissing yours right back over those 2000 miles. 🙂
Sometimes I think this "realness" I'm purposefully cultivating is sheer laziness on my part – it takes too f'ing much energy to keep up pretenses otherwise. But like I said to Nancy – when we live awake and aware – it's work of a different sort, but work, nonetheless. So no, I'm not lazy. I'm just determined to put my energies where they'll do me, someone else, and the world some good. Being our real selves, showing up regardless is the best way I know to do that. And you do it, too. Takes one to know one, remember. 🙂
The Mayan 2012 thing means –the end of an age– in their calender, it doesn't mean Hollywood C.G.I. style meteorites blasting through the chrysler building, although the doom sayers seem to swear this is whats going to happen. . . especially if they have a book out!
Really sorry to hear about you're friend's husband, It's always beyond brutal when someone dies unexpectedly like that, hopefully her feelings of loss will dilute with time.
Keeping it real would be the best way to make life not taken for granted. Be true to yourself, do more action than words, and try to be realistic in planning your goals to be achieve.
P.S. If I would be one of you grand kids, I would be great to your stories even if you're crazy…indeed you're amazing in terms of Life lessons