They say nature abhors a vacuum. I believe it, because I have a vacuum in my life, and it irks me, no end.
I did it to myself, though. I made a choice. I ended a relationship that had run its course, served its specific purpose. And now there’s this big, gaping hole in the middle of my life…not really, but it feels that way, right now. That’s because it’s only been a few days.
So what’s this got to do with anticipation?
Intellectually, I know that two things cannot hold the same space. So, to make room for more of what I want, I chose to say no (or, “no more”, rather) to something that wasn’t serving me any longer.
And now, the anticipation begins.
We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And I tell you how easy it is to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me.
But I rehearsed those words just late last night
When I was thinking about how right tonight might be.
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet, I don’t know nature’s way
So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.
~ Carly Simon
She’s right – these really are the good old days.
Congratulations on becoming willing to create a vacuum. Many people don’t do it because they can’t stand going through where you are now 🙂
Two things that help, when I put myself into this place:
1) Everything changes, including this. Good or bad, it will pass. I might as well be doing something I like with the space and tim 🙂 Woohoooo!! Freeeeeedommmmm!
2) One REALLY useful thing to do inside the vacuum is to get crystal clear about precisely what I want. Not from my head, but from my heart. The heart knows the truth. Even if what I want is just not to hurt so much, or not to be bored. (But watch out for that last one — the opposite of boredom really doesn’t have to be “drama”!) Turning the “not’s” into “what else then” is where the real work is. Usually a productive process during the “vacuum hours” of life.
3) Sometimes the vacuum space begins with healing something. Feel into that one and see what you notice there 🙂
Hope all this helps. At least it’s something else to do besides telling yourself that “this space sucks”.
P.S. I still think you’re a brave lady who deserves the BEST!! Maybe that’s what this space is really about. . . preparing for whatever that means to you.
Nancy,
Healing is exactly what prompted my decision, ironically enough. For almost a year now, there's been significant healing occurring in another arena of my life – so much so that all kinds of possibilities are opening up now. Not wanting to "play it safe" (because there's no way to do that, in the end) any longer, I had to say no to this and create the space for what I really want to grow…if it's going to.
You're absolutely right when you say everything changes – and sometimes it's the good changes that scare us most. When you've wanted something for so long, and not gotten it – and I'm talking YEARS here – it's terrifying to see it begin to manifest in front of your face.
I'm diligently working on #2 – and taking your right-on-the-money advice to create quiet space in my life for me to just BE and let the truth in my heart show itself. Knowing what I want – without the distraction or distortion of my head and it's proclivity to worry about what other people think – is getting easier – thank goodness. Intuitively, I know that my fear is coming from my head, too, so getting quiet and focusing on what's in my heart both calms me and gives me the strength to be with the vacuum I've created on purpose and not hide in some other way (like through work, etc.)
Right now, I feel blessed to see the little miracles that are occurring in my life, blessed that I've grown in awareness and consciousness enough to recognize them and let them be what they are without blowing them up into something more than they are. In short, I'm beginning to learn what it really means when we say, "It's all good."
It really is, even when it doesn't feel that way. 🙂
I guess the cure in anticipation is to be realistic. Let go of nonsense doubts and look forward to a great day! Change is the only constant thing in the world, so we need to deal with it, either for the better or worst. It's all up to us.