I’m considering having one of my fingers amputated.
Truth be told – I’m considering amputating it right now – myself.
Like the dumbass that I can be (though less and less often, these days – thankfully) I ripped a hangnail out of my left ring finger last weekend.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
I know better. Truly, I do.
Nonetheless, now I’ve got a real mess on my hand(s). Pun intended.
I have spent the week doing the usual: bandaid, triple antibiotic ointment. When it got worse instead of better, I tried to lance it. I could see pus under the skin and under the nail…so I went after it.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Then, the whole side of my finger started swelling up around the nail causing any pressure at all to send me through the roof. So, of course, Dr. Suzanne’s treatment: trim the nail.
Great plan, except that 1/3 of the nail came off when I tried that.
Dumb.
Dumb.
Dumb.
If I didn’t think I’d totally gross you out, I’d take a picture of this thing. The parts that aren’t scarred from the failed lancing attempt are swollen beyond belief and are a greenish-gray color. The skin around the back of the nail looks like it’s going to explode any minute. There’s so much pressure and it’s so red, it looks like Rudolph’s nose.
Of course, typing is an adventure in itself.
Try typing while holding your left ring finger in the air. Yeah, it’s a trick. One I’ve not mastered…yet.
And of course, when it’s literally a pain to type, I can think of all kinds of funny stuff to tell you about. Like my pipes under my kitchen sink that spontaneously blow out at the most unexpected moments. While running the garbage disposal…of course. Water spewing everywhere isn’t enough for me. It has to be water with chunks. That’s how I roll, you know.
That, too, will have to wait. Right now, I’ve got to figure out how to amputate this finger.
Without alarming the children.
